Query for In The Eye of Death

So, since I'm such a lovely person, I thought I'd post my query for In The Eye of Death. I was planning on going through and explaining my thought process and how to write a good query and so on, but I realized: I have no bloody clue how to write a query letter.

I think my query is good. But I only became good after I practiced, practiced, and practiced. Then, just like writing a novel, you find what works and what doesn't. (Usually more straightforward, as you know something is wrong when the rejections start to pile up.)

So here it is, complete without personalization or credits. Enjoy, and make of it what you will:


Dear _________,

Cursed with a weak heart, all Jonah has ever been good at is suffering near-fatal heart attacks. He used to be good at Magik too, before he learned that every cast shortened his already dwindling lifespan.

So Jonah’s decided to retire at the age of fifteen, teaching children a Magik he can’t use until his life runs out. But when his students disappear in a puff of green smoke, the parents decide that Jonah’s to blame. To rescue the children and salvage his honour, Jonah will have to venture into the outside world and hunt down the Order of Grie—a group of religious fanatics who want to use the children’s youth to summon the God of Death.

With every cast, Jonah brings himself one step closer to an early grave. All he ever wanted was to live to thirty, but it’s becoming clear that he won’t survive his rescue mission. When he finally confronts the Order, they promise him a long and healthy life—everything Jonah has ever wanted. All it will cost him is the lives of his students... as well as his soul.

IN THE EYE OF DEATH is a young adult fantasy novel completed at 80 000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration, ________. I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Katie Carson